I'm all alone in a tiny cabin on the edge of a forest in a town an hour away from home. From the last school drop off to the next school pick up I've counted five hours. I have no wifi, no washing machine, no farm work, no house chores.
Somehow, due to some crazy planning, compromising and trialling, that little seed of a dream that has been at the back of my mind through all the crazy chaos of the last 15 years of parenthood has come to fruition. I have complete silence (except for the wind and the birds), I have no one to look after or talk to, there are no shoulds, only a heap of coulds.
And I think I fear the fact that this thing that I have wanted for so long, this precious me time, is not in fact what I want at all.
And of course another part of me is beside myself with excitement at all the possibilities. I feel rich with time. I don't know what to do first.
I could knit some squares onto my memory blanket, I could play spider solitaire on my phone, I could have a long shower and wash my hair and then dry it, I could fill in our census forms,
I could fill in an interview for a magazine that I've been putting off for ages, I could cast on another hot water bottle, I could lie on the daybed and listen to a podcast, I could call farmer Bren again, I could try and attempt to graph out the knitting pattern that is stuck in my head,
I miss my people. But I just had a little thought that I might be a better person for them because I have had a chance to.
Three and a half hours still to go. I'll publish this and still have more time.
Sending you all the love.
Do you know this place I'm in?
Have you been dreaming about it too?
Or have you been here?
How did it make you feel?